No why. Just Here

We all need a Plan B.

Harold Camping was convinced that on the 21st of May 2011, the world was going to end. There would be a series of devastating earthquakes heralding the ‘Rapture,’ when faithful Christians would ascend to heaven before the second coming of Christ. Seemingly digressing from what I’ve always assumed to be the very foundation of Christianity, that plan B is, in fact, the afterlife, Camping demonstrated a resolute belief in the absolute when he said, “There is no plan B.” When the sun rose on the 22nd of May, as it always does, and always will, The Rapture of 2011 was runner-up to that time when Cee Lo sung with Gwyneth and the Muppets as the greatest ‘shit the bed’ of the year. Camping later said that he got it wrong, and the Rapture will now be rescheduled to October 21st. Just when we start thinking, “who gave this man a microphone” we do a little research and come to see that Camping actually began his career on radio. It was the great radio hoax of 1938, The War of The Worlds that convulsed Americans into panic and hysteria as they believed that simulated news reports of invading martians were true. Speaking of invading martians, the brainwashed and the irate, Mel Gibson as the minister who has lost all faith in M. Night Shamalyan’s 2002 film Signs, made us wish that Mel Gibson didn’t have any public persona outside of his cinematic appearances. Or at least, that Mel Gibson didn’t speak whilst intoxicated. Signs also starred Joaquin Phoenix, the recovering alcoholic and quiet, hair-lipped genius who managed to convince not only the ‘believe everything’ US, but also the rest of the world, that he was a genuine weirdo who had quit film and taken on a career in rap. That dirty little prankster. Original prankster was the name of a song by The Offspring. The first offspring of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin was tormentingly named ‘Apple’. It was the apple, the forbidden fruit that fell from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil that tempted Adam and Eve to Original Sin, and eventually led to the Fall of Man. Original Sin is the name of a song by INXS. INXS frontman, Michael Hutchence died through auto- erotic asphyxiation. Auto- erotic asphyxiation is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for the business of sexual arousal and ecstasy. In moments of extreme ecstasy, borders between life and death, pleasure and pain are often blurred. The fluidity of borders is addressed by Julia Kristeva in her definition of the abject, to the conclusion that whilst we fear that which we cannot easily categorise, we must simultaneously embrace it, as it is completely necessary to defining the self. “I lost myself on a cool damp night, gave myself in that misty light, was hypnotized by a strange delight, under a lilac tree…” were lyrics penned by the late Jeff Buckley. In the Victorian language of flowers, lilac symbolises the first emotions of love, probably the greatest ecstasy we could ever know. Also pertaining to ecstasy, is the word “rapture”, a feeling so strong, that one is transported to another place. Even heaven. Come October 21st, let’s hope that there is a heaven, or at least a solid plan B.

  1. no-why-just-here posted this