The link between masturbation and staring
Let’s consider this. If the gaze is the “erection of the eye,” then staring, when exercised with vigor and intent, is pretty much like masturbating. Both are voluntary activities, considered taboo outside the home, and recur most often in the under-sexed population. No-one likes a chronic masturbator; because, funnily enough, they’re like starers. You never know what goes through their perverse little minds; all you do know, is that they’re amongst us, and as a general rule, it’s best to avoid eye-contact. Come to think of it, nor does anyone like a crier; criers are pussy and without self control. Therefore, if tears were like ejaculatory fluid, (stay with me here) then crying in public, just got a whole lot more serious. If we were to follow this analogy through, then eyelashes lost during a rub, are equivalent to pubic hairs on a bed-sheet. In paid accommodation, a pubic hair on a bed-sheet is as ‘worst-case scenario’ as having Norman Bates set up shop in the room next door. Norman Bates was a masturbating Peeping Tom. Since self-pleasuring and staring are one and the same, and concurrently result in over-working the body to its sexual capacity, it now makes sense that Bates completely lost his shit and became his mother. Actually, a lot of things make sense now. Like The Streets lyrics to “Dry Your Eyes Mate”, or the reason why people think spectacles can hide a multitude of ‘sins’. Glasses are like condoms people, they won’t protect against everything. Either way, if eyes are the windows to the soul, then you don’t need a post-coital glow, or semen-stained pants, for people to know you just had a maz.
- Bianca Georgiou
